Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
