office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
