I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wear drunk well.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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