I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
