It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
