Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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