So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
