i permit you to call me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
