You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
