Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
