He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
