you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I love having hate sex.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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