If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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