New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
