well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
