the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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