dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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