Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
