Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
should my penis look like a turkey
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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