My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
