alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
