Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
