The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
