i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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