it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
