I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
