I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
