Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
