He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
