Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
