I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
