wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
