Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
