Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
