i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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