you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
