nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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