Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
