I heard we made out
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
