I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
