I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
