My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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