I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
