I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
