Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
