I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
