What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
