dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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