Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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