Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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