And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
